SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
