smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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