White coat. Heels.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
