I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
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The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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