Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
