I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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