Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
