My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize