apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
