So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
