I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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