so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize