Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
