Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
