Got a toothbrush?
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
