I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
