I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
