at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
