Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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