He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
