I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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