New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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