She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
