After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
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IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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