i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
