Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
BRING THE BAGELS
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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