i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
