Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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