YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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