I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
