OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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