Cold hands, warm shart.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
being pregnant is like rehab
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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