As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
