Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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