so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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