No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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