I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
