NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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