Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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