like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
