sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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