It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
