I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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