Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
