i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
