yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
