Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
