i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
