the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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