she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
