Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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