3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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