I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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