The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
