ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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