We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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