I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize