I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
