I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
